Greetings, Sports Fans/Blog Fans!
My name is Jennifer, and I’m a fantasy football-aholic (Hi, Jennifer!). Dr. McGuire has graciously asked me to guest blog for her this week. She thought it would be a great idea since we were playing each other, and I would probably have tons to say about the week in fantasy football. The truth is, I’m still in shock.
First let me say that I love Shirley. I root for her every week. I’ve done that for two years! She always comes soooooo close, only to have some freak occurrence break her poor little Irish heart. Again…and again…and again. One time, I swear I saw her running back drop the ball, dribble it, spin around five times, and streak towards the opposite goal. I swear I’m not making this up. She lost by a safety.
Anyway, my team is aptly named “The Berzerkers”. Like our Viking namesakes, we tear through our opponents showing no mercy and wreaking havoc on the league. I was 3-0. WAS 3-0. Until I had my own freakish comeuppance in Week Four. I’ll admit it…I was cocky. With the Fighting Irish as my opponent, 4-0 seemed a done deal. That was before I received a phone call AND an email informing me that practically my whole team was on a bye week. This was Thursday…or was it Friday? I don’t remember. As I said before, I’m still in shock. The phone call was from my friend Melanie, the counselor at my school. “Hey Jen, just wanted to remind you that we have to meet with that crazy parent in an hour, and oh…by the way…what are you going to do without Adrian Peterson this week?” WHAT?!? No Adrian Peterson?!? Adrian and I are tight. We scored hundreds of points together. Well…65. That’s a LOT in fantasy football. I hung up the phone in a haze, checked my email, and found a message from my girlfriend Laurie informing me that I needed to get online RIGHT NOW and change practically my entire lineup! So after finishing my work day teaching children about feudalism and the Black Death, I finally had a chance to look at my lineup. Sure enough, I had five players on a bye week. Now I’m not making excuses for myself because I hate people who do that, but:
1. My #1 running back in the league…byebye.
2. My tight end…and I love the guy…byebye.
3. My kicker…not such a big deal…but byebye.
4. My backup running back, backup wide receiver, and…
wait for it…my entire defense…bye bye bye.
No problem, really. Just check out the players list and plug in some new people. It sounds so simple. But there are 12 teams in our league, each with at least two running backs. Imagine who would be left. I didn’t recognize any of the names. I think one was my gynecologist. I can’t be sure, but he looks sporty. So I randomly pick a running back, a tight end, a kicker (again..who cares?), and a defense. I put ‘em in, and hoped for the best. At least, thank God, I still had two highly ranked wide receivers, and a quarterback who had the good sense to attend Ole Miss (damn right). Set the lineup…bring it on! I’m playing against Shirley…how bad could it be?
Sunday comes. I’m in my comfy chair, got the Red Zone on the TV, and a nice cold drink, just waiting to be 4-0. Ten minutes until game time. Then I heard it…Donnie Brown will not play. Huh. Wasn’t that the guy I randomly picked to replace Adrian Peterson? Mmhmm. Back online. Close my eyes, scroll down, click…pick up another running back. Even after all this, I have to say I still thought I was going to win. I was playing Shirley. The first games get going. I glanced at my score from time to time, and wasn’t real concerned when it didn’t seem to change. I take that back. Shirley’s score changed, but I was in single digits, even with my defense playing, and that’s supposed to give you ten points automatically! But it was early. I think I was napping when Laurie tapped me on the shoulder and looked at me kindly…gently…and in the softest, most caring voice she could muster (and that’s not easy for her), informed me that the virulent disease known as turf toe had taken down my best starting wide receiver, Andre Johnson. Do you all know Andre Johnson? He’s about eight feet tall, hands the size of frying pans, and runs like Secretariat. Turf toe. Really?!? Turf toe? Is that anything like a green thumb? No! It’s a horrible, horrible injury that can ruin a life…mine! Okay…back online I go! Gotta get a wide receiver! What am I gonna do? Find one, stick him in there, whatever. I get back into the game, glance over at the score…I swear…single digits…almost unheard of. Take a quick bathroom break, come back, and Laurie says, “Steve Smith just got hurt…he’s on the sideline”. Steve is my other wide receiver. Holy crap.
What followed next was a bloodbath. I wanted to chat with my friends online, but I swear, I couldn’t speak. Not that it would matter, but I never could type. I just had nothing to say. So I decided to do something that I haven’t really done for a couple of years now. I decided to sit back, and just watch football. I wasn’t worried about my score any more. It was one of those “wait ‘til next week” moments. And truly, I had someone to root for. And that would be Shirley McGuire. Because even when you’re playing against Shirley McGuire you can’t help but root for her. These freak things that happened to me this week…why, that’s just a normal week for Shirley. She’s dealt with this kind of adversity since we started this whole fantasy football thing last year. At the end of the day, which happened to occur Monday night, I was still 3-1, and Shirley was 1-3, and ecstatically happy. And I was happy for her. Sort of. No, really. A little. She deserves it. Love you, Shirley! P.S. – I’m changing my name to JenJarvus Green-Dunlap.
From FFootballGail: Thank you, Jen! You are the best! And, yes folks - I won. Thank you MJD and BJGE!
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